Today's Horror Choices 03/30/17 - MC Hammer, M.D.

You know what's scary, dear readers? Poor health. I've got aches and itches and acid reflux out the ass. I've been known to faint occasionally from pain or lack of oxygen, and to top it off I'm lazy and messy and addicted to everything that's bad for me. Any day could really be my last. People keep telling me I need to go see a doctor. I tell them they need to go see Dr. Giggles, especially today because it's National Doctors' Day.

Say "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

If over a decade of horror fandom has taught me anything about life, it's that doctors are deeply disturbed individuals and not to be trusted for any reason. Why else would they be so obsessed with what's going on inside your body? I mean just look at this history: Dr. Heiter from The Human Centipede, Dr. Channard (take a shot every time I mention Hellraiser 2), Dr. Herbert West the Re-Animator, even the generally likeable Dr. Seth Brundle from The Fly had some wacky shit going on upstairs. And let's not forget, dentists are doctors too! I haven't seen 1996's The Dentist, but the trailer suggest that it's full of cheesy 90s melodrama and good god, look at that poster for the sequel.