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Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Still running through those halls

I have recurring nightmares set in 6-8th grade. In the dreams I am always an adult and everyone else is flashback age appropriate. There are frequently natural disasters occurring and in a lot of these nightmares I am trying to escape the building.
The school's varied faculty will show up and stop me from leaving and I just roam the halls endlessly, hiding in bathrooms having panic attacks, going to various classes only to be humiliated in front of everybody, or other fun stuff. Other times I make it outside and drag myself, like a legless zombie, a long the sidewalk in downtown Portland to the bus stop that takes me home. [Sometimes home is where the heart is, but mostly the lambs are burnt. Home moved at some point during that timeframe.]
I rarely make it home. Mostly bridges collapse and bus based catastrophes happen. These dreams often end abruptly once somehow I realize I am dreaming.
The bathroom nightmares are the worst. I would often hide in the bathroom while having panic episodes during morning break, so I spent a lot of time in there. This has given my brain massive memory banks to torment me with reliving the vivid history of toilet related embarrassments that occurred in my adolescence. The best nightmares involve massive turds clogging the toilets and people coming into the bathroom at just the most hilarious times. It's good stuff. Not. It fucking sucks when I wake up all sweaty, anxious and ashamed of my existence.