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Sunday, September 16, 2018

The End Times Are Coming

So, the US government banned the slaughter of cats and dogs for human consumption. At first I thought it was just a hilarious usage of taxpayer money, but now I'm starting to get worried. There was a tweet from President Trump boasting about how his brainwashed Jr. believes that the economy has been fixed (something Obama couldn't do apparently). If a Trump thinks the economy is golden, clearly it's fucked.

You heard it here first: USD is about to crash. The end times be on their way. Cash out into anything. USAmerica is about to crumble. Everybody jump ship! The entire farming grid is about to go down, because they couldn't make any useless money.

Trump! The economy! It's all a lie! If you stay in the US, the only food is gonna be cats and dogs and they just outlawed it. It's a plan to get everybody in the jail. The fee for eating pets is up to $5000, which nobody is going to have after they had to spend $1,000,000 on a loaf of bread. We're all gonna be slaves. Irradiated slaves. There's also a nuclear war brewing.

The C-SPAN broadcasted a meeting between the most nuke armed countries. It didn't go well. President Trump shit his pants in front of multiple world leaders. He had to be tackled by guards after pulling a gun from his glorious hair. Trump could be heard shouting about killing everybody that witnessed his explosive pant load of diarrhea foam dripping out onto the floor. You can always count on C-SPAN to have the realest news. They have the most raw footage and live nude politician action.

This is fake news.
Didn't fact check any of this; that's up to you.

Much love to the mythical reader.