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Friday, March 10, 2017

Today's Horror Choices 03/10/17 - I Hate Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris falls asleep on Elm Street. He wakes up 5 minutes later wearing a fedora.

"...."
Okay, so I hate Chuck Norris jokes. They're not even funny. He's not even that cool. Or, like, is that the point? Is it supposed to be funny because he's so corny and lame? I don't know. To me, Chuck Norris will always be that boring Texas asshole who I had to sit through for the last 2-5 minutes of his show as I waited for Monday Night Raw to come on when I was a kid. Ya know. The show with the cool Texas asshole.

That said, today is Chuck Norris' birthday, which by extension makes it the International Day of Awesomeness. At first, I thought Chuck Norris had nothing to do with the horror genre, but a quick google search alerted me to the existence of a little-known slasher/thriller flick by the name of Silent Rage, in which Walker must take on the ultimate serial killer. I think one of them is a robot or something?

Ooh! Speaking of robots, you know who's more awesome than Chuck Norris? THE GODDAMN TERMINATOR! I've said it before and I'll say it again, Terminator 2 is the coolest and best movie of all time. Arnie's other best movie, Predator, rates pretty high on the badass scale as well. Top it all off with Sharktopus vs Pterracuda for laughs and you've got yourself the most balls-to-the-wall badass movie marathon this side of the Rio Grande. (I don't even know where that is.)

Oh, and I hear Buffy's pretty awesome too. Today happens to be the 20th anniversary of the first episode being aired, so check that out as well. I will be watching it for the first time today. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer follows a high school student who is abruptly thrust into the role of protector against the forces of darkness. It launched the career of Avengers director Joss Whedon.

March 10th is also Landline Telephone Day, so maybe pop in When a Stranger Calls or Black Christmas or even Scream, in which psychopaths terrorize young women with creepy phone calls.

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